On June 13th, Melbourne woman Eurydice Dixon was raped and murdered in Princes Park, Carlton. She was the 30th woman this year in Australia to have been murdered by a man. She was one of the few that did not know her attacker – which perhaps led to the increased (but justified) outrage. Only 5 days before that, student Qi Yu went missing in Burwood, presumed dead. Her housemate has been charged with her murder.Only 8 days before that, a 69-year-old woman was found dead in her property in Bega. Her grandson was charged with her murder, and that of her husband and another man.Only 6 days before that, Caroline Willis was found stabbed to death in her home in Werribee. Her son was charged with her murder.Only 7 days before that…Are you noticing a pattern…? Let’s go back to Eurydice and the groundswell that her violent death created. Perhaps what was most terrifying about her murder was that it wasn’t domestic violence, but rather a random and unprovoked (are they ever provoked?) attack, and suddenly it was an attack on all of us and our freedoms.I have spent half my life living in and around Princes Park and I have walked around it at night, alone, countless times. Eurydice did all the ‘right’ things; all the things that, as women, we are taught to do in order to prevent harm: she had her keys out (ready to open her house immediately, but also ready to defend herself against a potential attacker), she was not wearing a short skirt, she was on her phone and had just texted her boyfriend to say that she was almost home safe. She did not have earphones on, so that she could be aware of her surroundings. She was not drunk.Eurydice Dixon was not asking for it (again, does anyone), and yet still… In response to Eurydice’s rape and murder, senior police officer. Supt David Clayton’s comments were: take responsibility for your safety.Let’s be clear about this: Eurydice Dixon was not raped and murdered because she was not taking responsibility for her safety. She was raped and murdered because someone made a conscious decision to do so, and had it not been Eurydice it would have likely been another woman.Clayton also remarked to “just make sure you have situational awareness, that you’re aware of your surroundings. If you’ve got a mobile phone carry it and if you’ve got any concerns, call police. If people have any concerns at any time, call triple-0. We would much rather have too many calls than too few”Besides the obvious fact that Eurydice did have situational awareness, the request to call police is an interesting one, and really flies in the face of the juxtaposing messages that women constantly hear.
Call police, but don’t be so paranoid.
Don’t wear short skirts, but wear whatever you like.
Give us a smile love, but don’t talk to strangers.
Have an opinion, but know your place.
Don’t leave the house because it’s dangerous, but home is where you’re likely to be harmed.
Have situational awareness, but stop being so aware of every man.
Be aware of men, but don’t be scared of me.
So yes, I am angry at these messages.I am angry that women are still held accountable for conscious attacks on their lives.I am angry that Eurydice’s memorial was vandalised before the public vigil.I am angry that the facebook page created for the vigil was inundated with sexist and lewd comments.I am angry that I have been talking to my girlfriends about these exact things for my entire life, yet nothing changes.I am also so, so angry that few men in society, and men that I know, do not see the power in their words and actions. ------------------------------------------------I went on a Sunday night date just a week after Eurydice’s murder with a man that, by all accounts seemed normal, perhaps even a catch. We discussed feminism at his insistence, as he did not understand what it was, and the more that we discussed, the more he kept passing off the buck and saying how men are murdered too, until he said those fated words: yes, but not all men are like that.And it was here that I could barely contain my complete and utter rage and frustration that has been building up in me for 33 years.Let’s break this down.
The number one preventable contributor to death, disability and injury for women aged 18 – 44 is inflicted by a partner or former partner. It is not smoking or heart disease or obesity. It is by a partner or former partner.
Admittedly, this toxic behaviour towards women does not just appear. It is created through years or grooming and ‘harmless’ actions. For example:EVERY SINGLE one of my girlfriends has slept with a man because it was easier, rather than them actually wanting to. Because they were in the situation where they couldn’t really extricate themselves and they have been taught not to offend, so they went through with it. Better to stay quiet and just get it over and done with, ammiright? That is not rape, but that is also not okay.Is that the case for men?EVERY SINGLE one of my girlfriends has been catcalled and sexually harassed. This happens on the street and at the pub and in the office. We have been taunted and cheered for how we look, for the clothes we wear, for the clothes we don’t wear, for our smile, for our lack of smile, for our big boobs, for our small boobs, for the way that we walk, for what we say, for the way that we say it. This has happened to us by strangers, by friends, by colleagues, by bosses and by CEOs.Is that the case for men?EVERY SINGLE one of my girlfriends has ‘situational awareness’ when they leave the house. She’s conscious of what she’s wearing and where her phone is and where the streetlights are and where the men walking around her are. We pretend to be on the phone. We slow down or speed up to avoid shadows behind us. We walk with a gait (aka manspreading) and our shoulders tensed to appear bigger.Is that the case for men?EVERY SINGLE one of my girlfriends has shared a brilliant and fantastic and relevant argument in the classroom or office and had it ignored, only for the same idea to be praised when a man says it.Is that the case for men?EVERY SINGLE one of my girlfriends has been worried about their safety. Has been told that their concerns aren’t legitimate. Have had their thoughts and feelings and opinions trivialised.Is that the case for men? Yes, I understand that men are murdered too. Yes, I understand that toxic masculinity harms men too. But when you compare the number of male versus female murders, the majority of violence against women is committed by men.So – what are not all men doing about it? Do they stand up for women in the above situations, as awkward or ‘uncool’ as it may be? Do they call out sexist behaviour, office harassment, dangerous situations, lurking men? I can tell you that they do not. I have been in those situations. My friends have been in those situations. And we could count on one hand the number of times that a male ally has intervened. It does not happen.No, not all men are rapists. Not all men are murderers. But ALL women face these serious and daily threats. Why is it okay to tar all women with the same brush of constant vigilance and responsibility but not do the same for all men?The fact is, women cannot win this battle on their own. We have tried. All men need to push for changed attitudes towards women. Sexist jokes aren’t funny. Calling women sluts is not okay. It is not a challenge when a woman says no. These seem like small things, yet time and time again they are not called out. And this sort of behaviour leads to the belief that women are lesser. Less intelligent. Less worthy. Less valued. And mark my words, that belief leads to a situation in which abuse, rape and murder are ignored and thereby tolerated. The Eurydice Dixon case is exceptional because it was not by someone that she knew. It was not in her house. And it has been called out. When it comes to violence against men, there is a double standard at play. I am angry that when a young man was killed by a king hit, there was a huge campaign about the importance of words. It is now a ‘coward’s punch’ and frowned upon by all. Yet the response to the multitude of violent attacks against women in Australia:
‘Ice rapist jailed after Sydney laneway attack’ – Herald Sun, June 6th 2018
No, he attacked a woman, not a laneway
‘Woman dies in hospital after stabbing attack in NSW South Coast town Bega’ – news.com.au, June 6th 2018
No, a man stabbed his grandmother. She was not passive in this attack.
‘Morgan Freeman ‘Devastated’ That Sexual Harrassment Could Undermine Legacy’ – HuffPost, May 29th 2018
He’s a rapist. He raped 8 women. They are the ones that get to be devastated.
‘FOI Investigation reveals more than 50 sex complaints at WA Universities’ – The West Australian, May 29th 2018
No, it’s rape. It’s not ‘sex complaints’
‘Brisbane Man Guilty of Alley Rape’ – Ararat Addy, May 23rd 2018
No, he raped a woman, not an alley
‘Spurned Advances Provoked Texas Shooting’ – May 21st 2018
No, a woman was not to blame for a mass murder.
(All of these examples thanks to Jane Gilmore. Wording from the media is interesting, and not just because of the Coward Punch rebranding. Since 2001, six people have been killed by terrorism on Australian soil (not including the perpetrators). That’s one every 2.83 years. In 2018 alone (and unfortunately, figures are similar, if not higher, in the previous 17 years) 30 women have died at the hands of men. That is one every 5.8 days.But despite the 2018-19 national Budget running the tagline of ‘keeping Australians safe’, most of this has resulted in increased funding for international security and counter-terrorism.Credit where credit is due, $54M was pledged towards elderly abuse and protecting women against online abuse (revenge porn), but at the same time, $100M was spent on the Sir John Monash interpretive centre at Villers-Bretonneux in France. $49M was budgeted for (another) Captain Cook memorial. AND over $1M is spent on each asylum seeker to keep them detained in jail-like conditions in illegal offshore processing camps, resulting in over $1B per year.And nothing else could be spared to start a national campaign on the fact that We Are All responsible for women’s safety? Please.
In order to prevent violence against women, a nation-wide, government supported, media supported movement needs to exist. Toxic masculinity across all socio-economic lines needs to be addressed. Affordable and safe housing needs to be made available so that women can leave their partners and not fear poverty or further violence. Rape needs to be taken seriously and punished severely. Things must change.
Only days after Eurydice’s murder, another woman was aggressively raped in Carlton. The same suburb as Eurydice was raped and murdered. The same suburb in which I have lived since 2004.So yes, this is an angry article written by an angry woman, and I will not apologise for that. My time being polite and persuasive and defensive about feminism is done. Things need to change, and I am not going to be quiet until they do. (When I say ‘men’ in this article, I am primarily referring to white, straight men. I acknowledge that men of colour and LGBTQI men are attacked at higher rates than straight white men in Australia)